Solo Poly. Guidelines for myself: why is solamente polyamory work with me
Previous today we had been chiming in for a forum thread about guidelines in polyamorous relationships. Being a solamente individual, individual autonomy and duty are very important to any or all areas of my entire life. Therefore IвЂ™m averse to being in relationships where lovers make difficult guidelines to regulate or restrict one another вЂ” which can be a reason that is big mainstream monogamy does not benefit me personally.
But We have developed some pretty rules that are important myself.
IвЂ™M WRITING A GUIDE about non-standard ways to relationships.Want to simply help? Simply just simply Take this study to talk about your views and experiences of relationships that arenвЂ™t on societyвЂ™s relationship escalator that is standard.
Most of my guidelines for myself stem from my four core values in relationships:
- Shared respect and consideration (the way we treat one another)
- Self and autonomy duty (the way we each look after ourselves)
- Integrity ( be truthful and walk your talk)
- Joy (because otherwise, whatвЂ™s the point?)
These values give my relationship objectives: items that my pair of guidelines collectively seeks to produce:
- Preserving integrity: being the type or sorts of individual i wish to be.
- Handling danger: maintaining myself safe
- Linking with other people in manners which are significant, deep, and constructive
- Supporting, considering and others that are respecting
- Feeling happy, fulfilled and happy
- Private development: continuing to master and develop
- Boosting my power and resilience
- Keeping stability and stress that is managing discomfort and chaos during my life
Me explain why I have them before I get into my list of rules, let.
IвЂ™ve discovered, through experience, which they assist me personally be the ideal individual i could be. They assist make sure that we keep residing a life thatвЂ™s beneficial to me personally, without coming at the cost of other people, which often assists me personally be here better for others if they require me personally. They assist me determine whenever an offered situation or relationship may or may possibly not be a silly risk.
Each one of these guidelines is dependant on my personal personal knowledge about relationships and life, specially as a polyamorous and solo person. ThereвЂ™s a ton of faceplants, frustration, heartbreak, errors, miscommunication, and missed possibilities behind each one of these guidelines. The whole thing is extremely relevant and personal in my experience вЂ” your mileage, because constantly, can vary.
The answer to these guidelines is me, not to my partners that they apply to. Eventually theyвЂ™re about how precisely we make decisions regarding how exactly to pursue, conduct, or carry on a relationship.
We donвЂ™t need that my partners or metamours reside as much as my criteria, or do things my method; but I really do want them to comprehend at the start how I make choices about my relationships. ThatвЂ™s only reasonable.
These rules use whether or otherwise not IвЂ™m in a relationship that is significant. And additionally they assist me be sure вЂ” whenever i actually do begin to go into relationships that include significant opportunities of feeling, time, logistical considerations, etc. вЂ” why these connections stay an excellent potential for being mutually useful rather than unduly high-risk or discouraging.
Therefore: they are my guidelines just; your mileage might differ. We provide these for example associated with the forms of individual guidelines or criteria that could be ideal for anybody вЂ” but particularly for solo individuals, and particularly for solamente poly individuals.
AggieвЂ™s guidelines for Aggie:
- Respect and consideration. We donвЂ™t keep connections with individuals whom treat me personally inconsiderately or disrespectfully, or whom suggest an obvious willingness or tendency to do this. If individuals repeat this, IвЂ™ll inform them it is an issue. IвЂ™ll probably give them a couple of possibilities so long as theyвЂ™re not egregiously rude. However if a pattern that is baddeliberate or perhaps white guys dating sites not) emerges in their behavior, IвЂ™ll distance myself. Likewise, we attempt to always respect and start thinking about my lovers and metamours. Me what they need, I try to listen, negotiate and give them what I can (or be honest if I canвЂ™t) when they tell.